Q&A: Why do I like sex play while I pretend to be asleep?

Question: I was questioning if there’s a time period for me; a girl who likes being on the receiving finish of the “Sleeping Beauty” fetish?  I am most turned on by my husband “doing things to me” while I pretend to be asleep. Is there a reputation for this? Is it widespread? Or is it only a approach I give myself permission to take pleasure in sexual acts I really feel like I can’t ask for out loud? Thanks in your ideas.

Congratulations! It sounds like you’ve cracked the code for warm, erotic sex: you may determine what turns you on, there appears to be a excessive degree of belief between you and your accomplice, and the result is pleasurable.

Fantasies that contain relinquishing management and being the thing of lustful want are, the truth is, fairly widespread. A 2014 study from the University of Montreal discovered that, out of their 1515 contributors, 65% of girls and 53% of males fantasized about sexual submission.

With regard to descriptive phrases in your sexual curiosity, “responsive desire” is an idea which will resonate. It is completely regular for some individuals to solely expertise sexual curiosity as soon as erotic actions are in progress. An online survey of 35,132 heterosexual people (in Belgium) means that about 30% of girls and 5% of males have predominantly responsive want. Emily Nagoski, Ph.D,  an American sex educator, has written a unbelievable e book—Come As You Are— that addresses this topic in higher element and attracts upon analysis throughout cultures.

Although your sex life sounds mutually satisfying, you query whether or not it supplies a chance to take pleasure in “sexual acts I feel like I can’t ask for out loud.” It is unclear whether or not you want to develop expertise to talk your needs extra consciously, or in case you are content material with the established order. There are sources accessible that may assist with assertive sexual communication, if desired—together with Getting the Sex You Want by Tammy Nelson and the sex weblog GoodinBed.com.

It is superior that your intimate life options a number of key parts that nurture and maintain eroticism—-most notably fantasy, novelty, and shock. However, it’d be price contemplating whether or not you might have any exhausting limits— sexual acts which might be absolute “nos”— and speaking these to your accomplice. This ensures that horny occasions stay consensual. Provided that the whole lot occurring throughout (pretend) “sleep” is pleasurable and enjoyable then take pleasure in these candy desires!

Kimberly Jackson, MS, LICSW is an AASECT licensed sex therapist practising in Providence, RI, the place she sees people and {couples} of numerous cultural backgrounds and sexual orientations, in addition to relationships which might be open or polyamorous. She is a Returned Peace Corps Volunteer (Peru ’11-’13), an avid runner, and a non-practicing musician.